Dirty Laundry Part 3

This series,although hardly yet a series,is bothering me. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there is not the same motivation I had when I started. With the recent election results, I feel a release of angst. I think the tension of being in a battle ground state actually added to my depression. It sounds strange to allow television ads and pundits control one's mood, but I internalize things so deeply. If I get upset about something one of the hotheaded women say on "The View", I'll mull it over for days. It's ridiculous and it is a character flaw I am not proud of.

I wish things could roll off my back, but they don't. That is why I am so prone to depression. The sadness, anger and tension of the world around me is absorbed in an unusual way. It is only heightened because I stay at home. When TV and Yahoo news are your only connection to adult issues and connection, the world can become a very dark place. I am not outgoing socially. Because I do internalize things and tend to take them way too personally, I have been unable to form deep meaningful relationships with those around me. I will not be vulnerable to other women.


Growing up in a household of 7 females including myself, I know full well the impact that the female relationship has on me. I am the youngest of my family by almost a decade therefore I had 5 additional 'mothers' at various times. My birth order has played a HUGE role in my life. I'm a big believer in the birth order philosophy. I have a unique situation because I have the tendencies of a first born [because when there is more than 5 years between siblings, you start birth order over again]and yet all the tendencies of a baby of the family. This is why so many times I thought I suffered from bi polar or borderline personality disorder. Really it is just my temperament that varies so drastically.

I will probably expand on this more as I explore my reasons for the epidemic of depression in young moms. Not all of us have the same birth order of course, but it shapes who we are and it is worth examination.


This might be a fun thing to check out:

http://www.blogthings.com/birthorderpredictorquiz/