Dirty Laundry - Part one

I have been in contemplative thought for a few weeks now. Is it coincidental that homecomings are held in October and many people feel nostalgic this time of year? I usually get very reflective near New Year's as I prepare to set goals for the coming year and reprise which ones I've accomplished or "re-routed" {i will not say 'failed to meet' for self deprecation is no longer a part of my lifestyle} In all seriousness, I have decided to blog a series on the subject of depression. Recently a statistic I read stated that the growing number of suicide is among white, middle aged women.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/10/081021093938.html


As sobering as the information was, it relieved me. It made me feel as though I'm not the only one that battles with these demons. Depression is a subject I have exhausted over the last 20 years through thought, work, research and reading. My diagnosis has ranged from clinical depression to dysthimia to post traumatic stress disorder, major depression, double depression, seasonal affective disorder and post partum depression. I've tried everything for treatment: therapy, anti-depressants, reiki, guided imagery, detoxing, prayer & meditation, hospitalization, NET therapy, faith healing, vitamins and supplements, hormonal therapy and just trying to 'get over it.' All treatments play a role in the whole picture of recovery. I am a big believer in "leave no stone unturned". Have I found the 'cure all'? Sadly, no.

I've gained something more precious: experience. I am now willing to share that through this medium. My journey has at times been ugly, very ugly. But one cannot begin to explore depression through rose colored glasses. Part of the reason that so many women in particular are depressed is because we fail to admit the inequities of our souls. We are screaming and miserable inside and cannot find our voice. I want to break the radio silence. It's my dirty laundry and it's time to air it.