Big girls' undies

To any of you who have ever taken children shopping, you probably have a story in your repetoire that can stand up to this one. Or maybe your children are so well behaved and spotless in public that you would scoff at my “adventure” this afternoon with disgust. Either way, I hope it provides brief entertainment and a stiff warning:

Do not leave the house when you are potty training a child.

My youngest girl, Genevieve, is 2 ½ years old. She is very bright and verbal. Like most 2 ½ year olds, she is interested in learning the ways of the diaper-less world. So, I, being a very attentive and caring mother, decide that it is indeed time to potty train. Her older (by 15 months) sister, Trinity, has mastered the toilet, so to speak, and Genevieve is eager to follow in her footsteps. This means; no more diapers.
She refuses to wear them. This made my morning interesting, because I was taking her out to the store to buy some brand new “big girl panties.” She, however, refused to wear a diaper, so I gave her a pair of her older sister's panties and this satiated her. “What's the big deal?” I thought. “She's been using the potty and telling me when she has to go anyway.” I was wrong.
As we're standing in the aisle of the store, Genevieve announces that she has to go. “Great” I think. "Of course she needs to go as soon as we get into the store." Well, her timing was a little off, because as I reach to take her hand, I can see that her leg is wet and the inside of her sneaker is soaked. It figures I put a little tennis dress on her too. Why of all days didn't I pick out a pair of jeans?
We grab the package of new undies and go to leave the store when her older sister runs off down the aisle. She is throwing a tantrum about some Disney princess shampoo I refuse to buy and has dug in her heels in between the boys' pajamas and a display of winter coats.
I never do this, but I'm desperately trying to get OUT of that store so I can take Genevieve home and clean her up. I bribe Trinity.
Mom: “If you come now and don't fuss, I'll let you pick out something at the checkout.”
Trinity: 'nnnnnhhhhhhhhh'__________
Mom: “I mean it, Trin, if you come right now, you can pick something.”
Trinity, recognizing this as a once in millennium event, reluctantly follows our caravan while still dragging her heels.
As I catch back up to Genevieve, I see something NO mother wants to see. EVER.
Genevieve looks up at me and announces that she has pooped.
Some of you are thinking – 'so what? Kids poop in their pants all the time.'
Yes, this is true, but the operative words in that phrase would be 'their' and 'pants'.
Genevieve does not have any pants on, she has a little tennis dress that exposes her bottom when she lifts up her arms. Not only that, but the borrowed underwear she has on is now working its way down her thighs because of the recent “addition” to the contents. I'm sure it didn't help that she has taken off her shoes because “they all ret” and she doesn't like the sensation.
I feel stomach hit my throat and try some quick thinking. Wouldn't you expect that as a mother of six I would have a complete arsenal of bathroom products in my Mary Poppins-type purse or even a diaper bag? Oh no, I left the diaper bag in the van and my purse has two pair of toddler socks, some receipts, my keys, wallet and a few maxi pads.
With the ingenuity of MacGuyver, I open one of the maxi pads and tell Genevieve to slip out of her underwear which is almost to her knees at this point. I wrap up the entire contents, underwear and all and seal it in the wrapper. Quickly and nonchalantly, I head over to the restroom to clean up and pay for my daughter's new underwear whilst begging her to stop lifting her arms over her head so as to not expose her now bare bottom. Meanwhile, I am obligated to buy Trinity some candy and now of course Genevieve wants some too. I am willing to do anything to get out of that store as quickly as possible. Both the girls pick the most colorful, sugar-laced novelty they can find. I pay and exit the store with my half naked, barefoot toddler.
All I want to do is crawl into a cave and lock myself away for the rest of the month. Maybe when I emerge, Genevieve will have trained herself.